52 Blue
by novae mienai
Summary: If you had the chance to go back in time and redo things—you'd probably just mess it up. At least, Len does. After his high school graduation, he wakes up to find himself back in first year. He tries using his knowledge of the future to help his best friend, but he only alienates her and loses her friendship. The excrement hits the fan from there. R/L, hiatus
1. she never told him she liked him

"The little cranny between the girls' and boys' bathroom," Rin says thoughtfully. "I used to hide in there all the time back in first year." She laughs. "I tried going in just the other week. I barely fit now."

"Wait," Len says, brow furrowed, "I'm probably wrong, but didn't we both fit in there, first year? I vaguely recall us both hiding together… Dunno how that'd be possible, but…" He puts his fingers to his lips and visualizes the space, tries to recall his and Rin's little fifteen-year-old frames fitting without squashing each other to play-dough, but no, that was just impossible.

But Rin hides a flutter of a smile behind her fingers and says, "Yeah, I remember that too. I don't remember what we were doing in there, though… Were we playing manhunt?"

Oh, yeah, he'd completely forgotten. Manhunt during lunch. The whole grade used to participate in the beginning of first year, but eventually interest tapered off and by second year, no one played at all; it was like they'd suddenly thought themselves too old for games. Now, though, having finished high school, Len would've given a lot to be able to play manhunt with Rin and everyone one last time. "That's the most plausible explanation, I guess," he muses aloud. "But I still can't believe we both fit in there. It must've been really tight, no?"

"You were smaller than you remember, you know." Rin glances at her shadow, elongating ahead of her in the sunset. "You underestimate how much you've grown the past three years."

He laughs despite himself, or maybe because he's himself.

"Well, Rin, just so you know, _you_ haven't grown at all. I doubt you ever will."

Ordinarily, she would've chided him, but she can't even play at anger with him today. She just keeps walking, slightly ahead of him. "You know, I'd be fine with that. I like being short."

He smiles at her back, her narrow frame that was too small for her big dreams. "So what else, then… What else will I miss… Mm, Megurine-sensei's piano playing during breaktimes?"

Rin nods. "I'll miss her piano, and her."

"We could always go back and visit."

"Of course! That's what I was planning on doing."

Today is their graduation day. They walk home from school together, for the last time. The spring weather ruffles their hair, but there's a weight in both of their chests.

"You know," Rin says, "just because our daily lives are changing doesn't mean we have to change ourselves, you know? If you look at a first-year college student and a third-year high school student, you tend to see this huge difference between them, but really, they're actually pretty much the same, right?" She's still walking slightly ahead of him, setting the pace; slightly brisk but still relaxed as ever. "That's why I'm excited for the future. I mean, I understand why everyone was crying today. It's normal. But I'm happy today. Everything around me is changing, but I'll still always be the same, and that's why I'm not scared of anything."

She stands still for a moment as he catches up to her, then hooks her arm around his. "And that's why there's no need to be sad. Because everything about your high school life that's worth cherishing is already safely stored inside you."

The both of them hold the silence for a moment, and then, simultaneously, let out their breath and their laughter.

When they reach Rin's house, she hugs him, which is unusual for both of them (usually it's him who hugs her), but Len can't find it in himself to tease her, not today. He takes her in his own arms and feels her existence, really feels it, because even though he knows they'll be seeing each other again, today just seems like the perfect day for goodbyes.

"You know, Len?" she murmurs as she lets go. "When I first met you, I thought you were a dweeb. You weren't that good at conversation, and you were kind of… bumbling. Thinking back, maybe I thought that was endearing."

His eyes widen slightly, but he's smiling as usual.

"But you're a bit different now. You've always been kinda like… that. You've been like that since the beginning. But over these past three years, you've gotten a lot… more. More more. You know?"

No, he doesn't know, and he'll probably never find out. But that's okay. He liked that about her, how he couldn't always figure her out.

"Well, what I'm trying to say is…" Rin says, gesturing with her hands as if he'll understand her from just that. She's always been the type to trail off like that, but he tends to be patient and let her search for the words she wants to say. "You've stuck around me long enough for me notice you change. So… thank you."

He looks at her curiously, but all she's communicating with her eyes is a repetition of what she's already said. "Man," he says in an exhale. "What am I supposed to say to that?"

She frowns. "You're supposed to say something about how I've changed, too, and that you're also grateful that I haven't kicked your butt to the moon yet."

He brings up a smile at that. "Okay, okay. Well, when I first met _you_ , I thought you were a little cold."

She raises a brow. "Really?"

"Yeah. It's hard to imagine now. I've gotten too used to you being… not cold."

"Huh." She crosses her arms, wondering whether he's serious. He probably is.

Len claps a hand on her shoulder, reassuring. "No, but, yeah. I'm grateful for you too, Rin. Thank you."

Rin rolls her eyes, but takes that as an invitation to hug him again.

"Bye, Len."

He pulls out of the hug and holds her at arm's length for a moment, before letting his fingers slide off her shoulders and back down to his sides. "I'll see you, Rin."

But what he doesn't know as he walks away is that he never _will_ see her again.

* * *

He'd only cried in front of her once. That was the only time he'd ever cried in front of another person after the age of five.

When Rin was met with the sight of Len, eyes wet and heart open, the surprise hardly lasted a second, because it'd been flooded over by compassion almost immediately. "It's okay, Len. I'm here." She normally found it so hard to comfort people, but it was surprisingly easy this time, because she meant it.

"I love her," he almost whimpered, "I do, but…"

"Don't doubt yourself, Len," she whispered. "It's okay to be upset with her. If you never have your disagreements, then what kind of love would that be?"

"It's more than a disagreement, though. I just can't get through to her… I tell her, I keep telling her that she has to let go of me sometimes, she has to find a life besides just _me_ , but it's like… she's already given up. And if she has, I can't do anything to help her."

She hesitates, then threads her fingers into his hair. "It's okay, Len. You love her, and she loves you. I'm sure that's enough. You'll find an answer soon."

"I don't—I don't want to just _leave_ her. Sometimes I think that to myself, you know, I think that maybe it'd be best if we just not see each other again, but then I realize, that's the _worst_. I'm horrible to think that, because even if I'm trying to grow up and be my own person, she's in a bad spot, and she needs me."

"I know, Len, I know."

"So what am I supposed to do? I want to be with her, she's done so much for me, but she's… she's suffocating."

He'd never broken down like this before. This had been an issue of Len's for a long time now, but it was the first time he'd been at such a loss for what to do.

He'd always assured himself that he was young, he had time, he could put off thinking about the problems at the core of their relationship, continue living everyday life while turning away from the figurative tumor that was growing bigger… and bigger… until he simply couldn't ignore it anymore.

He didn't expect Rin to give him advice, or help him fix things, or anything. He just wanted to get it all out. At that moment, he was really grateful for her, for her soft voice and her fingers in his hair.

"It'll be okay, Len. Y-You know what I think would be best? If you just back away for a while. Just a bit. Just try… not talking to her, for a few days, a week maybe. And then I think you'll be able to see more clearly."

He nodded slowly. "You're right. You're right. Thanks, Rin." And then, weakly, again, as if to make it clear, "I love her."

"Of course you do," Rin murmured. "She's your mom, after all."

* * *

Rin cried in front of him a good few times. She wasn't much the type to let others in on her emotions, but if it was Len, it was okay. And Len liked being her pillar of support; it made him feel strong.

So when Rin came to him one day, just barely holding in her tears, he pulled her to him.

"It's your mom again, isn't it?"

"Mhm." Her voice was little more than imperceptible vibrations in his shirt. "I tried talking to her again. But she didn't even acknowledge I was there. She wouldn't even look at me. I-I just wonder sometimes… I know it's stupid, but I wonder if she won't look at me because she… regrets me."

"That _is_ stupid," Len said, completely seriously. "Don't think that way, Rin, you know it's not true."

"I know. Sorry. I just can't help but wonder, you know? Because she never gives me any answers. All I can do is guess."

He held a little tighter. "If anything, Rin, you're the one who should be regretting. Regretting that you have to take care of her like this. Bringing her meals up and doing her laundry and all the things she should be doing for herself. It's almost like you're the mother here. It's really wrong." But before she could object like he knew she wanted to, he continued. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. In any case, though, I really admire how you handle it all. I'd never be able to endure like you can."

She sighed deeply, cathartically, and he could feel her breath warm over his shirt. "I was having a good day. It felt like luck might actually be on my side today. But that was stupid of me. It should've been obvious that all talking to her would do is ruin my day. And possibly my week."

He pulled her in a bit tighter. "You think that now, but trust me. You'll pick yourself up much sooner than that."

"How would you know?"

"I know because you're you, and I know you."

"Idiot." He couldn't see her smile, but he could feel it. "You don't know as much about me as you think."

"Try me. Tell me something about you I don't know."

She just shook her head, though her smile was now edging on playful. "There are some things I'll never tell you."

* * *

It all started because his house was right next to hers. They met the morning of the first day of high school; Len stepped out of his house, and Rin hers, and Rin looked to the left and Len looked to the right, and they met eyes for the first time. Recognizing each others' school uniforms, they realized that they were schoolmates, and neighbours, and that meant that whether they liked it or not, they were probably going to become friends.

Rin was a little shy. Len wasn't the most open, either. It took a while to get a conversation going, that first day they walked to school together. They were both young, and new, and nervous. But they found common ground in that nervousness, and eventually they melted into a sort of comfort around each other.

Neither was in the friend circle of the other, so the majority of the times they spoke were to and from school, alone. When they were together, it was always alone. Len once thought about starting a relationship with her, but dismissed the idea about as fast as it came. They weren't like that. She wasn't that kind of special. And he was fairly sure she felt the same way about him.

There was something quietly intimate, though, about the three years they spent together: from the first time he touched her arm lightly, to the last time she hugged him. From the tentative teasing to the eventual exasperating insults. The first time she cooked for him, the last time she helped him cheat on a math test; the first time he did her music homework for her, the last time he let her ride on the back of his bike because it'd be rude to leave her to walk home by herself. The time she let him sleep over because he couldn't stand his mom, and the time he let her sleep over because she didn't want to think of hers. The time they squeezed into the cranny between the girls' and boys' bathrooms, embarrassing themselves and giving up their dignity all in the name of manhunt; and then the time they pretended to be a couple to get free movie tickets, and they weren't embarrassed at all. The initial hesitance to the final, mutually certain tenderness. It started slow, but it remained strong.

If you asked Len, he'd say with certainty that the times he spent with her were very, very close to his heart. He did love her, he did.

So what went wrong?

* * *

Time changes people.

* * *

 _52 Blue_

prologue—

she never told him she liked him.

* * *

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES**

* * *

BWAHAHAHAHA

and so it begins. the player!Len fic I have been waiting my whole life to write. :D

you must be wondering "yo novaki, how the heck is this a player!Len fic? I don't understand! D:" and all I can say is that _time will tell_. if you're confused, please wait for the next chapter! I promise it'll make sense ^^;; this is just the prologue, after all.

I actually have this mostly planned out. I know how it's going to end. (Generally.) So hopefully I can update regularly and not fall into a rut like I did with SWB :')

wellll I cannot guarantee any updates any time soon, in fact tomorrow is my PHYSICS HELL DAY _sobs into handkerchief_ aaaand this time before midterms is really packed (I'm so SAD) but after midterms, I'll be a bit more relaxed about keeping my grades up soooo after April 27, you may hope for regular updates of some kind!

hope you enjoyed this weird prologue thing. I hope I've succeeded in my goal of hooking you? ; u ; I'd really appreciate if you review with your thoughts! I'd like to hear your speculations, especially. ^o^

cover image: lyrah, pixiv id 20109240 (though the original is deleted, I found it on an imageboard orz;;)


	2. she'll miss him more than he realizes

changed the summary because the old one was embarrassing me lol. unless someone liked the old one. I dunno.

* * *

It'd been a while since he'd had such a good sleep. He couldn't remember the last time he'd woken up feeling refreshed, without a creaky pain in his back. He thought only old people had to deal with back pain, but apparently not.

It was fitting that he wake up refreshed on his first day after graduating high school.

He swung his arm out to his bedside table, feeling for his phone, but was met with only the table's flat wood surface. He groggily raised his head to check and saw that his phone wasn't there. Weird. He always left his phone there as he slept, every night since he'd first gotten it in tenth grade.

He concentrated, trying to remember if he'd left it somewhere last night. He remembered getting home from the graduation ceremony, goofing off with the PS4 before his mom arrived, and then when she did she took him out for dinner, which was rare because they didn't normally have the money for that sort of thing, but she insisted because his graduation was a special occasion, apparently. He remembered LINEing Kaito or someone on the way home from the restaurant, then when he got home he talked with his mom a bit, then she went to bed, and then he snuck some ice cream, and then he got into bed too and surfed the web on his phone before falling asleep. Yes, if he'd gotten into bed with his phone, he undoubtedly would've left it on the bedside table.

Maybe his mom came in and took it? That was the only explanation, as she was the only other person living in this house. But he couldn't imagine why.

He'd ask her about it later. For now, though, he could always check Twitter on his desktop.

After waiting around boredly for it to boot (his computer wasn't the newest model) he got onto the Twitter website and robotically typed in his username and password. Only to be met with the message:

 _The username and password you entered did not match our records. Please double-check and try again._

Figuring he made a typo, he tried again, but was only given the error message once more. After trying two more times, he finally got the feeling something was wrong. Did someone hack into his account and change his password? Some assholes liked to do that. So he clicked the _Forgot your password?_ link and entered his username.

 _We couldn't find your account with that information._

He tried it again.

 _We couldn't find your account with that information._

And again.

 _We couldn't find your account with that information._

Maybe the hacker changed his username too. (Though he couldn't imagine why someone would go through the trouble.) So he typed in his email ( _We couldn't find your account with that information._ ) and then his phone number ( _We couldn't find your account with that information._ ).

 _We couldn't find your account with that information._

The words glared red into his eyes.

This was weird.

But before he could investigate further, his mom called him from downstairs.

"Len! Wake up already!"

After staring at the message one more time ( _We couldn't find your account with that information._ ) he put the computer to sleep and went downstairs. He was greeted with the smell of a complete Western breakfast: the eggs, the bacon, the toast, the fried tomatoes, all the like. His mom was at the stove, pushing the last of the bacon onto a plate.

A smile tugged at his lips. "Mom, it's the morning after. You don't have to…"

She'd already cooked his celebratory graduation breakfast yesterday. The fact that she was doing it again was sweet, but unnecessary.

"What are you talking about?"

When she met his eyes, Len felt suddenly uneasy. She looked tired. More tired than she'd been in a long time. But she was so full of energy yesterday. She'd been so happy for him yesterday…

"Are you okay?" he asked uncertainly.

"I'm very okay, why?" There was no acid in her tone; in fact, if she was stressed at all, it was obvious she was trying to hide it.

"Nothing. It's just that you look a bit tired."

She laughed, a breathy laugh like a sigh in slim disguise. "Ah, not really. I feel the same as usual, today."

"If you say so…" Len said, though he didn't believe her.

"Thanks, though, for asking, Len," she said as she began to set the table. "You're so _good,_ you know."

"Well, you're my mother. That's why I asked and that's why I'm good."

She laughed, curiosity in her eyes. "You're strangely… gentlemanly this morning, Len. Did something happen?"

He got that feeling again. The feeling when couldn't log into his Twitter account, and when he reached to his bedside table to find his phone had disappeared.

He _wasn't_ acting any differently from normal. Ever since her divorce from his father, he'd made it a habit to say those kinds of things to her, the things an ideal son would say, because she was hurt and hearing those things helped her heal.

"Hey, mom," he said suddenly. "Do you know where my phone is?"

"The phone's where it's always been. Do you need to call someone?"

"No, not _the_ phone. _My_ phone. My cellphone."

She frowned. "Cellphone? You don't have a cellphone, dear."

There was a funny feeling in his stomach.

"I do have a cellphone, what are you talking about? Don't you remember? You came with me to get one, like two years ago…"

She shook her head slowly. "Is something wrong, Len? We never did. You don't have a phone."

"D-Don't you remember yesterday, on the train home from dinner? I was on my phone then…"

"…We didn't go out for dinner yesterday, dear," she said gently.

Something was wrong.

She looked at him worriedly as she pushed food onto the plates. "Are you okay, Len? Do you… have a fever…?"

Something was wrong…

"No. I'm fine. I just… Something feels wrong. You don't remember what I remember…"

Concern flushed his mother's face.

"Okay, mom," he said quickly, holding up a hand. "What _did_ we have for dinner yesterday, then?"

"I made curry."

"You didn't make anything special for my graduation dinner?"

She raised a brow. "Your graduation is next week, Len. We'll go out for dinner then."

Next week?

His heart was about to jump out of his chest.

Did he just go back in time, or something?

"Mom. Mom, what's the date today?"

"March nineteenth."

Okay, then he didn't go back in time. His graduation ceremony was definitely yesterday, March eighteenth. He felt slightly relieved that he hadn't been suddenly plunged into a movie script, but then again, he kind of _was_.

What the heck was happening?!

"My graduation was yesterday, mom. It was on the eighteenth."

Having finished setting the table, she came over and put her hands on his shoulders. Her touch was fluttering, lighter than usual. "Your graduation is next week, on the twenty-fourth. Yesterday, you went to school as usual."

"No…" he said weakly, "I…" He saw the concern swimming in his mother's eyes, and drew back. Pressed two fingers to his temple as he shook his head. "Okay, you know what, let's just eat."

He sat down in his usual seat, and Lola sat down in hers, but just as he was about to put his fork in the bacon, she stopped him.

"Len, dear, we should wait for your father."

He froze with his fork midair, the hair on the back of his neck rising with his heart rate.

"Father?"

It was like he plunged down the hill of a roller coaster just then, as he realized that Lola had set the table for three.

"Morning." A low, smooth voice. Firm like ocean waves at night, but soft like the wind. A voice he hadn't heard in three years.

"Good morning, Leon," his mother said quietly.

Len just stared as the man, somehow dignified even in his bedclothes, took his place at the table, a place that Len was far too used to having empty. He couldn't find it in himself to leap out of his chair and point and demand what the hell was going on, _what kind of prank is this_ —that's what he would have liked to do, but he'd never been able to act outrageous like that in front of Leon. Len always had that little desire to impress him, and it seemed that desire never did vanish after three years apart.

So he kept his raging worries locked inside as the three of them started breakfast; the tasty, full sort of breakfast he and his mother never had the money for on their own.

* * *

Breakfast passed in complete silence. Len took the opportunity to feast not on the food, but on his thoughts like white water rapids. _What the hell's going on? What the hell is going on? I'm dreaming. I've got to be dreaming._ But he pinched himself and his father was still there, chewing his food slowly and calmly as if he had every right to sit in that seat.

They met eyes, and Len quickly looked down.

He wondered if he was the only one who could feel the tension. It was a bit like someone in your class, who no one really likes, asking to eat lunch with your friend group. Someone who didn't belong, trying to belong. But his mom didn't look uncomfortable, per se; just tired.

This scenario, the three of them being together, it was so _foreign_. But also nostalgic, in a way. It's like he'd been shoved back into his childhood…

His… childhood…

Len quickly and quietly excused himself, leaving his food half-finished. His mom admonished him lightly, but she let him go, concerned as she was for him.

Back in his room, Len shut the door and practically stabbed his computer's power button, wincing as his finger objected to the unprecedented force. He tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the ancient machine to wake up. Once his desktop appeared on the screen, he pushed his chair aside and leaned into the clock in the bottom-right corner of the monitor, and suddenly, like being pushed off a cliff, it all made total sense.

Or rather, everything stopped making sense.

Because the date displayed on the screen was March 19, 2012.

It was 2015 before he went to bed yesterday.

* * *

He opened his closet.

There was his middle school uniform hanging there. No sign of his high school uniform. All of his clothes were clothes he remembered wearing in middle school: too-bright colours and wow, they were all really freaking small. He glanced at the full-length mirror on the back of his closet door and noticed with a pang that all of the inches he'd put on during his mid-puberty streak were _gone_.

He smiled slightly. He wasn't that short as a fifteen-year-old, was he? He didn't _remember_ being so _short_.

His cheeks were also a good deal chubbier than he remembered. He felt his face, and was surprised by how _smooth_ his skin was.

So he _had_ gone back in time, but only his mind. His body was still as fifteen as a fifteen-year-old could be.

Unless this was all some sort of extremely elaborate prank. Which was unlikely.

Why? Just, why? Why _him_?

It couldn't have been a coincidence that he was brought back exactly three years, just to the beginning of high school. If this were the work of Fate or a god of some sort, if they wanted something from him, it must've been something that started with the start of high school…

If this were a movie, he'd be one of those guys with burning regrets, regrets of having done something or not having done something. Not confessing to a crush, ruining a good friendship. And he'd be dying of gratefulness for this chance to get it right the second time. But Len didn't have any regrets, not really. He was happy to be done with high school, eager to move on with his life.

But now… if this was permanent… he'd just gained three years, but he'd also lost three years.

He heaved a sigh and pulled on his (middle school) uniform.

* * *

"I wonder what was wrong with Len this morning…" Lola thought aloud as she washed the breakfast dishes.

"Len?" Leon asked as he placed his empty plate in the sink.

"Mm. Before you came down, he was acting strange." She took Leon's plate and rinsed it. "He was saying things like, where is his cellphone, and that his graduation ceremony was yesterday. His memories seemed all out of whack. I'm worried he hit his head somewhere."

"Huh. You're sure he wasn't trying to mess with you? Joking around? Kids tend to do that, you know."

"He seemed very serious, even distressed," Lola said, a bit frostily. "I would know, he's my son."

"He seemed normal at breakfast."

"He doesn't talk about these things with you because you make yourself so hard to talk to," Lola said, trying and failing to keep the tremor out of her voice.

Leon was quiet for a while, watching as Lola finished the dishes. Wiped the counter. Then he said, "I thought we were talking about Len. Why do you always make it about me?"

"Because you're his father. But not a good one," Lola said, as if for the umpteenth time—it _was_ the umpteenth time.

"Come on. How can you call me that? I don't hit him. I don't yell at him."

"You completely ignore him!"

"I don't! We do talk—sometimes. It's just usually him that won't come to me."

"Because you're so cold to him! If he comes to you with a problem you'll just say 'don't worry about it', and that's it! How is that supposed to help him? How can you just tell him _not to worry_ about the things that eat at him, day after day…"

She'd always been a bit too emotional for him. He liked that about her at first, but now… "I've never been good at giving advice. That's why I leave it to you."

She whirled to face him fully. "You leave it _all_ to me. You're never here! In fact, shouldn't you be going now? You'll be late for _work_."

Leon crossed his arms. "I can't believe you're accusing me like this. I'm the one who brings all the money home! You don't know what it's like to have a job—it's not easy, you know? You just sit here all day—"

"I cook, and clean, and take care of Len! That's more than enough to be a job on its own! And, and…" Her voice crumpled a bit; suddenly she was ashamed.

She'd always wanted to be an artist; that was what she'd written on all her future career questionnaires as a child. But she'd never been able to sell her work. Leon's job helped pay for her paints.

It wasn't like she was lazy and didn't want to go out and find work. She still painted a little every day.

Besides, they had Len now. She had to stay home and be with him.

"Len's fifteen!" Leon broke into the silence. "He's old enough to get along without you."

"You wouldn't know!" Lola accused. "You don't know him. He needs me, you know."

"You're suffocating him," Leon said. "He needs space, and you don't give it to him…"

"He's very open to me! He tells me everything! Unlike you!"

Leon stared at her for a moment, then said quietly, "Why are we fighting? We don't need to worry about this anymore. This is all the past."

"Right," said Lola, remembering. They'd already started planning their divorce. Their life as a family of three was pretty much over, so their wasting energy fighting was wholly useless.

"Just…" Leon began, then shakes his head. He closed his eyes, willing the unsaid words back down to his heart. "Never mind." And he walked out of the kitchen but stopped abruptly at the corner.

"Len?"

He gaped at the boy, who'd stumbled backwards, surprised at being caught eavesdropping. "I thought you already left for school."

Len opened his mouth, closed it, opened it. It'd slipped his mind that Nishizawasan Middle School was much further from the house than Harinoyama High School, so he didn't leave early, which meant that his parents didn't know he was home as they began to raise their voices.

"Len!" his mother's face was white. "Y-You didn't…"

"I heard," Len said carefully. "But it's okay. I… didn't learn anything I didn't already know."

He could basically see Lola's heart dripping from her chest, and it was painful for sure. He looked away as she turned to her (soon to be ex) husband.

"Leon! This is, this is…" She couldn't say it was his fault, because she was the one who'd raised her voice first. "Oh, Len, I'm sorry…"

"Mom, don't worry. It's fine."

He never did witness one of their fights before. Lola was always careful to keep them behind the scenes. But he'd always kind of just known what their fights were about.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" his mother kept saying.

"Come on, Lola, look at him, he's fine. Stop sobbing like that, you're just making it worse."

"I don't want him to see us like this."

"He's not a kid anymore, Lola. What makes you think he can't handle something as small as his parents fighting?"

"H-He's right, mom. You know, you don't have to shelter me all the time. I-I can handle more than you think I can, you know?"

His mother just stared at him.

Leon looked between his wife and son, then, as if steeling himself, squared his feet and spoke. It came out faint at first, but then grew louder, truly like waves coming to shore. "You've gotten very mature, Len. I'm proud."

Len squinted at his father, as if trying to identify a silhouette in the fog. Part of him felt odd, the kind of odd you feel when you're complimented by a stranger on the street. Another part of him agreed with his father that yeah, he was mature, or so he liked to think; he had three years more life experience than either of his parents knew. And then, another small part of him was… happy. To be recognized by someone he never tried to please, never realizing that he wanted to please him.

He smiled rigidly at his father, who also happened to be sporting a tight smile. Well, their relationship was nothing if not awkward.

Len might've been slightly intimidated by Leon Kagamine, at one point, but reflecting on it now, he really wasn't that bad of a man. His wariness of his father might have been amplified by his mother's constant refrain of "don't end up like your father," but now, he could see more clearly. His father wasn't right all the time, but neither was his mother.

"Mom…" They looked at each other, and it was stark, the difference between his father's stiff gaze and the softness of his mother's teary eyes. "I wanted to ask you…" He paused. This was something he'd been wanting to say for a long time now, but never could bring up. Because he'd never wanted to hurt her. And also because he'd gotten the feeling that even if he tried to tell her, she wouldn't listen, because she believed her judgement as a mother was clearer than his judgement as a child. She took pride in how he always confided in her, but growing problem was that she never did take him _seriously_. Treat him like he was more than her son. But now, he felt like he could say what he wanted to say, because his father had said the same. And because right now, that man was here. "I want you to treat me more like my age. Less like a kid. There's nothing wrong with the way you've been raising me," he added hurriedly, "but sometimes I just want to do things on my own, you know? Don't try so hard to protect me. Let me get hurt. I want to know how it feels to be hurt. Because that's how you grow up, right? You get hurt, you get stronger."

If Leon were any other man, he would've started a slow clap. But Leon was Leon, so instead he met Len in the eye and his lips curved up the slightest bit.

Len found himself doing the same, giving the same imperceptible, edge-of-the-mouth smile. He never realized that that was a habit of his until Rin pointed it out one day: "You always smile like that," she said. "You wouldn't be able to see it if you weren't watching carefully. But I've known you for a while, so I can tell. It's a secretive kind of smile. Like you don't want anyone else to see it. Like it's private between you and whoever you're smiling at. Or maybe it's just to yourself." He never put much thought into it; just dismissed it as one of his Len-quirks, but now he realized he must've picked it up from his father.

It really was strange, seeing this man again after three years. It was almost like he'd come back from the dead. Sentimental in that way.

He turned to his mother.

There were tear tracks carved into her cheeks.

"I never wanted to hurt you, Len… Why…"

"I never said you hurt me. I just want some space, is all."

"But all I've been trying to do is protect you… I want you to understand that I'm your mother, I'm always thinking of what's best for you…"

"I know, I know that—"

"You don't have to do this to yourself—"

"Mom, this is what I _want_. I want to—"

"You don't have to listen to your father—"

He clenched his teeth. "He has nothing to do with this. This has to do with you and me."

She seemed to catch wind of his irritation, however subtle it may have been. "No, no, please Len, don't be angry with me. I just want you to know that I'll always be there for you… and that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone… You can always—"

"Lola," Leon cut in, coldly but effectively, "it's almost nine. He's going to be late for school."

Lola shut her mouth. Len wanted to say something, but he couldn't think of anything that he could say comfortably with his father around, so he didn't say anything at all.

"We're both definitely going to be late at this rate," Leon said to Len. "Just let me call work to let them know, and I'll drive you to school."

So the two of them left together, and Lola lowered herself into a chair as she watched them go.

* * *

Car rides had the real ability to make things awkward. Forcing people into a small, quiet space for periods of time would always end in some sort of awkwardness, unless the people in question were close enough to have the 'pleasant, enjoying-each-others'-company silence' ability. Leon and Len… didn't.

So, to break the silence, Len decided to talk.

"So you're getting divorced."

"Yeah. We were going to tell you after your graduation."

He remembered them telling him the first time around, a few days after his middle school graduation. He wasn't all that upset. They never had felt like a happy family to him, anyway.

"Did you love her at one point?" he asked, genuinely curious. They always acted so distant to each other, it was almost unimaginable that they were once two parts of one.

"Of course," Leon said nonchalantly. "Why else would I have married her?" His tone was controlled, but there was something about how he stared ahead at the road that stirred in Len's mind.

"What happened, then?"

"Are you really asking this _now_?" That smile again, a bit wry this time.

"Well, we never really took the chance to talk before," Len said honestly, "but we have some time now."

"Right." Leon twisted the wheel and the car turned. They were still pretty far from the school. He took a breath. He never did speak with his son much, but for some reason, Leon felt strong today. "We've always argued a lot, you know. But it wasn't _real_ arguing. It was couples' arguing. You know?"

For some reason, he thought of Rin. "Yeah."

"But somewhere along the line, the arguments became real. We started to mean the things we said. I'm not even sure what happened myself. But everything she did, the small things and the big things, started to irritate me. I tried not to show it much. But a while ago, I came to the realization that we just weren't meant to be."

"Meant to be."

"On a fundamental level. She's too… emotionally… needy. She needs a lot of attention. And I'm not the right person for her. I need my space. You know?"

Of course he knew. He was the one left filling the void that his father left. "Why don't you just talk to her about it? I'm sure you could work it out."

Leon continued to stare blankly ahead. "I told you, we just don't work on a fundamental level. We can try to talk about it. We can try to understand each other. We can understand each other completely. But we'll never be able to be happy with each other. Because what she needs is different from what I can give, and what I need is different from what she can give." He turned the wheel again, pausing to think as he did so. "You'll come to understand, Len, that not everyone can get along with everyone. Some people fit together so well they're just meant to be, and some people find that their whole relationship was a mistake."

"So… it's about you as _people_. You don't really hate each other."

"I don't hate her," Leon said quietly. "But I'm not sure if she hates me. I think she thinks I'm cold. She didn't understand when I told her what I just told you."

"Didn't understand?"

"More like, she didn't accept it. She said, she said exactly what you said, Len. 'I'm sure we can work it out.' But she was adamant about it. She believes that love is some powerful, almighty thing that always triumphs in the end." He might've laughed a little. "But like I said, the problem between us is fundamental. She just can't back up enough to see things logically. Not everything can be worked out. Some things can never be solved." He turned the wheel again. "You can talk some people's heads into the ground, but if what you're saying goes against their fundamental beliefs, then you're talking to a wall. It's pointless to try to get your ideas across. You can talk as loud as you want, but they're on a completely different frequency. Your words will never reach them."

Suddenly, the car stopped. Len had been concentrating so hard on his father's speech, he hadn't realized that they'd been nearing the school.

He'd been sitting, but he almost had to catch his breath.

He felt kind of bad. For all the things he didn't know and never bothered to find out.

"I understand," Len said simply, slowly as he pulled his bag on his shoulder. Opened the door. Got out and stood there a moment as his father prepared to pull back out. "I understand," he said again, to make sure he was heard.

He realized after a second that he was doing the smile thing again, and that Leon was mirroring it.

As he watched his father's car shrink down the road, Len came to a decision. A decision that hurt his heart as much as it strengthened it. But the more he thought about it, the firmer he believed that it was for the best.

* * *

—chapter 1—

she'll miss him more than he realizes.

.

つづく

* * *

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES**

* * *

save me from school hell ;_;

school is HELL it makes me ANGRY I don't want to DO IT ANYMORE I CRY

friday at school was like the Worst Day of My Life, I hate I hate I hate so much, please just free me already, I cannot deal anymore.

so sad, so angry

please just end it

in other news, new chapter :D I didn't expect it of myself either. so I'm assuming you can guess how it's gonna play out from here? I hope it makes sense now. Please stay tuned, Rin will appear in the next chapter! ...which won't be out in a few weeks. I need to do... math... _cries_

I named the schools after two of my favourite vocaloid producers~ Harry and Tokotoko, please support them! also shoutout to ota-kun for making great writing piano music, please check out otattemita on youtube ok, it's great music, he calls it bad but it's great!

Reviews will help me get through school hell ; u ;


	3. if she's small to him

With a current-model laptop in front of him, Len sat on his new bed. The sheets were green and clean, smooth and cold. It'd been a few days since he moved in, but his room still smelled vaguely like cream pie and cleaning products.

He clicked around Amazon absently, searching for new school supplies or whatever. He really didn't think he needed anything, but his dad had come to him the other day, handed him a debit card and told him to do his school-slash-new house shopping. When Len politely tried to put the card back in his father's hand, the latter took it, dropped it on his son's bedside table, and left for work. So here Len was, alone in his dark room, filling his cart.

Len remembered going school shopping with his mother, the first time around. His old computer was too slow and annoying for online shopping, and Lola didn't quite trust the safety of online transactions, so they went to the local big box store. They didn't buy much. Only what was necessary, and what was cheapest.

But now, it was different. Len frowned at the screen. His father didn't give him a budget; the message between the lines was something like 'I trust you'. Len wasn't exactly aware of his parents' financial situation, but he knew his father had a good job, was on the verge of promotion, and didn't keep in contact with his mother since they moved.

He hadn't seen his mom in a couple of weeks. It was a strange, but almost liberating feeling; though he felt bad about feeling it. He wondered if she was doing alright. In the end, he'd convinced himself that things were better this way. She'd be better off not having to worry about feeding two mouths.

It was a new concept to him, not needing to worry about money. Before the divorce, Len's family hadn't really been poor, but like good parents, Leon and Lola didn't simply give him whatever he wanted. He had that ingrained sense of needing to save, never waste. But now…

You could buy anything on Amazon, couldn't you?

Was this what it felt like to be an adult?!

Not like he was purposely buying expensive things. In fact, looking at his cart, all of his purchases were things he hadn't realized he needed. Things to make lunch, since his mom wasn't there to make it for him anymore. Tape and scissors. Shampoo.

Suddenly, Len remembered something else he needed. Or wanted, rather. He typed it into the search bar and inhaled as he took in pictures of sleek, expensive headphones.

He was one of those annoying music elitists (as his friends called him), but he'd always been limited to crappy dollar-store earbuds that broke if you so much tugged at the wire. He used to steal his friends' good headphones all the time, but now, he didn't have to. With a twinge of satisfaction, he put one of the red, medium-priced sets into his cart.

* * *

Len's only request for their new house was that it be within reasonable distance of Harinoyama High School. Leon didn't want to stay in the same community as Lola, though, so their new house was rather far-off, and Len would have to take the train to school.

Over spring break, the whole complex process of divorce and organizing child custody and moving houses seemed to complete itself. It was almost scary, how it passed with hardly any stress on Len's part. He felt like it shouldn't have been that way.

It was all more or less settled by the time Len's entrance ceremony rolled around. And so, not even a month later, Len's new life had begun. He was sitting on the train, heading to school for his first—"first"—day.

The more time passed, the more likely it became that this whole time travel schlock wasn't a dream or a joke; that he was in it for the long run. He still possessed a tiny hope that he'd snap back to his own time any day now, but strangely, somehow, he'd adapted to simply living life the way it was.

In a few ways, Len was excited to see how much things had changed in that three-year interim between past and future. Or rather, present and future. Or would you call it present and past? Anyway, whatever it was, he couldn't complain about playing manhunt at lunch again.

It really felt like morning. The sun just rising, patterning rays of light through the train windows. The little bumps on the ride, his schoolbag shaking in his lap, and his mind full of memories of the place he was going to for the first and thousandth time.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something that disturbed him. A girl. She was in his school's uniform; he vaguely remembered her being in his class in first year, though he'd never really spoken to her. Kanon—that was her name, right? Right by her was a blank-faced young man, older than him but also his age, taking advantage of the crowd to blend in and slip his hand up her skirt.

He shouldn't have been surprised, because he knew this kind of thing was common, but it was probably the first time he'd seen it with his own eyes.

With more confidence than he should've had, he slid into the scene, reached out and grabbed the man's arm. Kanon had clutched her skirt, petrified, only just realizing what was happening.

"W-What?" the man scoffed.

Len threw his arm down. "You know what you were doing." Then, under his breath, "Piece of shit."

The man, obviously not wanting to cause a scene, simply slinked off into the sea of people without another word. Len turned to Kanon.

"You okay?"

She seemed to be in shock. Wide-eyed, not moving her gaze from Len, she nodded slowly.

"Sorry about that," Len said, feeling like he had to apologize for the man. "People can be scum."

She was slightly shorter than him. Her high ponytail swung back and forth as the train rattled. She smiled at him genuinely, the kind of smile he was sure many people saw. He'd never really associated himself with this type of girl before.

"Thank you," she said. "You really saved me there."

"Don't mention it. Just be careful, yeah?"

"Mm." She glanced to the left, to the right, then when she concluded that Len wasn't interested in leaving, she spoke again. "So, are you also a first year?"

Len smiled. "Yeah."

"Wah, that's great! I hope we're in the same class!"

"I hope so too," he said, even though it was less like hope than certain knowledge.

* * *

They continued to chat amiably on the walk from the station to the school, but he'd lost her by the time he reached the wall where the class lists were posted. (Surely enough, they were in the same class; both class one, just as before.)

Len stood there awhile, staring up at the lists of familiar names as the owners of said names jostled him around to get a good view. He never would've thought he'd be in this position again. He still couldn't completely believe it. It made him feel extremely small in the world, the fact that something so improbable was indeed possible. He'd never believed in the supernatural, but he pretty much _had_ to now, didn't he?

"E-Excuse me."

The voice was so familiar, he almost didn't notice it calling out to him. She had to repeat herself a few more times before she reached him.

When he looked at her, smaller and quieter and further than he remembered, he couldn't help but smile like he was looking at her baby pictures. As subtly as he could, he lifted his fist to cover his mouth. "Yeah?"

"Um, you're kind of blocking the way, so if you're done, could you move?"

"Oh, sorry." He stepped back to allow her to move closer to the lists, and watched as she found her name under class one, right beside his own.

She turned to find her classroom, and Len sprung up, suddenly deciding he'd help her not get lost.

"Sorry for standing in your way, back there. I just kinda got lost in thought there, you know? Thinking, like, I can't believe I'm in high school now…"

She glanced up at him, puzzled as to why he was following her. But she smiled slightly as she said, "Don't worry about it."

"I'm in class one," Len said, and he was able to note the subtle changes in her expression as she realized that he was in her class—in such detail, he could've written an essay. "What about you?"

"I'm also class one."

"Ah, really? What a nice surprise." If Len wasn't a good actor, he was going to have to learn.

She laughed clumsily, only politely. "There are only four classes, so really, it was a one-in-four chance."

"Yeah."

He smiled.

* * *

There were a few things he noticed about fifteen-year-old Rin. Things that didn't quite surprise him, but unsettled him, like looking away from your desk one second and noticing that someone moved your pencil from beneath your hand to just out of your reach.

Her sentences trailed off, and she never finished them. She was walking rather quickly. She smiled when he invited her to, but didn't huff in upset when he tried to prod her. She just blinked, and laughed like she didn't know what was going on. He was reminded that they really must have had something, for him to feel its absence so poignantly now.

Of course it could all be rebuilt, but it probably wouldn't ever be the same. Maybe that bummed him a little.

When they reached their classroom, Rin took one of the seats next to the window, and Len helped himself to the one next to her. He offered her a smile, and she didn't seem to mind— _only_ didn't mind.

Over the next few minutes, he thought about saying something to her, but in the end he left her alone. Instead he watched her as she stared out the window, and he thought about the many times in the past when silence had suited them so well.

"Len!" A voice, girlish like the owner decided she wanted it that way.

Kanon was suddenly at his side, along with other vaguely familiar faces he recognized as her friends.

"Kanon, hey," he said pleasantly. "So we're in the same class after all?"

"It was probably fated, huh?" she giggled.

"I had no doubt it was going to happen," he said. Kanon's friends eyed him curiously.

"I just wanted to thank you again for the train," Kanon said as she took the seat to Len's right. Her friends took the seats surrounding them.

"No, really, it's what anyone would do."

"It was pretty brave to confront the guy, though," one of her friends said seriously. "I don't think many first years would go up against a college guy, you know?"

Evidently, she'd shared the morning's debacle with her friends. Personally, Len would never have shared any stories about himself getting molested on the train, but to each his or her own. "Well, I dunno. You might be surprised. For every bad guy in the world, there're maybe ten good guys, don't you think?"

"I'd like to think you're right." Kanon and her friends all seemed to agree.

Len felt an itch on the left side of his head, and when he turned, he saw Rin had been watching. He smiled and said with his eyes, 'Do you agree too?' but she pretended to adjust her glasses and turned back to the window, so quickly that if he hadn't known her better, he'd have assumed she'd never been staring at all.

* * *

He'd been playing guitar since he was six or seven. So by this point, he'd been playing it upwards of eleven years.

It was the end of music class, and everyone was standing around talking, waiting for the bell to ring. Len was sitting alone in the corner, vacantly plucking at the strings when Kanon came up to him, bent her knees cutely to speak level to him.

"So how long have you been playing?"

"Ummm…" He scratched the back of his head. "A bunch of years? Sometimes I perform in cafes and stuff," he added sheepishly, before realizing that he hadn't yet, at this point in time.

"Ooh, you must be pretty good, then! Play me something?"

"Eehh, I dunno. I don't normally take requests."

She karate-chopped him on the head, in a friendly-or-maybe-not way. "Come on. What kinds of songs do you know? Can you do pop covers? D-Do you know any supercell songs?"

"You listen to supercell?" he teased.

"Th-That's not a bad thing! Is it?" She blinked at him, because didn't everyone love supercell?

He just stared at her questioningly for a few seconds, and relished as she grew more and more uncertain about her music taste. Then he laughed. "Of course not! I love supercell. I think he's really talented."

He could feel her relief. "Jeez. Supercell's actually my favourite, you know. For a second there, I thought I had to call all this off."

Ah, high school girls. They'd once seemed complicated, but in the end, they were actually quite simple. "Call what off?"

"Nothing," she seemed to sing, pressing a finger to her lips. His gaze flitted upwards, as if sharing a wry look with the gods.

"Hey, hey," Kanon prodded, "Len, can you play _The Story You Don't Know_?"

It was a popular song. He knew it. He remembered listening to it, figuring out the chords, practicing it among several other supercell songs—in, what, eleventh grade? Rin used to like it. Supercell was one of her favourites too, in fact.

"I _could_ play it," he said, emerging from his memories. "But…" he trailed off thoughtfully. "Like I said, I don't take requests." At her frown, he looked down, smiled and began strumming the intro. "You sing."

"What?!"

"I said, you're singing."

"Um—"

"C'mon, the vocal starts in three, two, one—"

And as he counted her in, she took a breath, and all eyes in the room were suddenly on them.

At the edge of the room, Kaito, arms crossed, was watching interestedly. Len caught his eye, and Kaito raised a brow. They weren't officially friends yet, but they would be soon.

Kaito, Len remembered amusedly, had always been jealous of his musical ability; apparently guitars got girls. Guitars, and drums. Len tried to assure his friend by lying that encyclopedic knowledge of dinosaurs and the Mesozoic era was sure to nab _some_ kind of girl, but Kaito obviously didn't buy it.

On the other side of the room, near the windows, Kanon's friends were giggling madly, bless them. They were probably really shipping it. To be honest, Len himself really didn't know where he was going with all this. He glanced at Kanon, who seemed to be absorbed in the song. Was he 'leading her on', as they say? Shouldn't he sympathize a little more? Was it morally reprehensible to not say what needed to be said? If so, then they were _both_ at fault, weren't they?

In the end, though, it was only teenage drama. These kinds of things seemed so small, post-high school. Mentally shrugging, he proceeded into the chorus, wryly deciding to sing a harmony for her. Kanon glanced to him and smiled. He had to give it to her—she had an impressive voice for someone forced to sing on the fly.

And at the back of the room, he saw Rin was watching, too. She was sitting on one of the desks pushed haphazardly against the wall, legs swinging and foot bobbing to the rhythm. He had the faintest feeling that she was humming along, though quieter than a heartbeat.

He and Kanon had reached the bridge.

 _I bluffed in my faint-heartedness,  
Acting like I had no interest.  
However,  
That prickling pain in my chest, growing...  
Ah… that's right.  
This is what they call falling in love._

It was a nice song, if not a little overdramatic. 'Just _tell_ him, I mean, seriously,' Len mentally berated the million lovesick schoolgirls across the world.

And with those lyrics of unrequited love filling his ears, Len wondered briefly if Rin had ever felt that way about anyone. Well, he _knew_ she did—she wasn't an emotionless zombie—but whenever he used to ask, she'd deny it coolly, without slowing or quickening her pace. She was one damn convincing liar.

Contrasting her intelligent personality, though, she'd always been a bit of a romantic. She could tolerate cheesy movies better than he could, and she got mad at him when he was too logical about them. He told her that she she shouldn't turn her brain off just to enjoy movies, and in reply, she told him that he didn't have to turn his heart off to not enjoy them. That part of their relationship was an easy shoujo manga cliche, he realized bemusedly.

As he strummed the last note, the class began to clap. Around the classroom, the girls had stars in their eyes, and the boys were all kind of laughing to themselves, as if to congratulate him and convey how impressed they were. He grinned and pretended to be modest, but he did enjoy the spotlight.

He glanced at Kanon, and wasn't surprised that their eyes met. Her face was red like the sunset but she was smiling widely, as if to thank him for bringing out her good side and showing it to the world.

In the periphery of his vision and the other end of the world, Rin kept swinging her legs under the desk, watching them with a small smile.

* * *

He wouldn't get caught.

It simply wouldn't do for his pride.

He could not, would not lose to a bunch of teenagers.

—is what he was thinking as he dove behind a row of desks in an empty classroom.

No sooner than he settled into his hiding spot did the door slam open and a female voice call: "I saw you come in here. Come on out, Len."

Shit. He inched further along the row of desks. He couldn't get up just yet, or he'd reveal his location. Teto was blocking the only entrance, so he had to wait until she moved before making a bolt for the door…

He heard a cupboard swinging open. "Are you hiding in here? There's no escape, you know. Might as well just come out and make things easy."

 _Never._

He continued crawling along the floor, careful to lift his limbs so as to not make shuffling sounds (and get his clothes dirty. Laundry was hard work, he'd discovered). Teto, meanwhile, was making progress through the row of cupboards on the other end of the room.

When she'd gotten to the last cupboard and didn't find him, Teto scratched her head. "That's weird. He has to be in here. I saw him. So where…"

She paced towards the cubbies at the back of the room—

Okay, now!

Len sprang up and sprinted to the door, hurdling over a couple of desks along the way. He thanked his middle school self for having joined the soccer club.

Teto, shocked, bulleted towards him.

"You bastard! You can't run from me!"

"Just try to catch me, bitch!" he yelled back, concentrating on not laughing—it was hard to run while laughing.

But as is universally known, concentrating on not laughing will only make you laugh harder.

"Damn… it…" Len ran around the corner, cursing his lungs. His insides felt like they were about to burst—he needed more air! But at the same time, he felt like the air inside him was compressed helium, dangerously close to open flame—

And then there was gravity.

"Ah, fuck!"

And then he was on the ground.

This, kids, is why schools have rules against running in the halls.

As his vision cleared and his heart rate slowed, he came to realize he was in fact not on the ground, but on someone.

Just the sheer irony of it made him feel strangely nostalgic.

Her hair was fanned out on the floor and her glasses had been knocked askew. He knew it was repetitive, but her body beneath him reminded him how much smaller she was than he remembered.

He himself was a lot smaller, too.

Time slowed a little, and for a second he forgot about the game of manhunt. Rin seemed still too shocked to move. And so they lay there awhile in the middle of the third-floor science hallway.

People found comfort in the strangest of places.

Eventually, with the gradualness of falling asleep, he came to a stand. He gave Rin an apologetic smile and offered his hand, and she took it, and he watched as she straightened her bow and adjusted her glasses. They stood there another split second, neither really understanding what just happened.

Then he took her wrist and ran.

"Ah— Are you it?" she asked.

"Not yet," Len grinned. "I haven't been it once, yet. You aren't, right?"

"Well, I'm… I'm not… playing, so—" she panted.

"Eh, why not? It's fun! Everyone's playing!"

She only played before because he'd made her. Well, he'd make her again.

"I'm a slow… runner…"

"Ha, I know! I mean, I can tell." He led her around another corner. "But trust me, the game's more about stealth than speed."

They were in the south hall now. They needed to find someplace to hide. They'd put some space between them and Teto, but she was going to catch up any moment now…

Then Len remembered something.

He tugged Rin towards the bathrooms. You weren't allowed to hide in the bathrooms, but _between_ them was fair game.

He could cry.

"In here." He pushed her in and went in after her.

It was just big enough for the two of them. But like he remembered, it was an excruciating fit.

He wasn't pressed up against her per se—the space was narrow, so they were lined side-by-side—but he felt her panting more than he heard it. He, too, was out of breath, but he took care not to breathe too loudly, both for the game's sake and for Rin's.

He couldn't quite turn his neck to look at her, and so he instead observed her by sound—her breathing, gradually slowing back down, and the simple yet tangible feeling of her being there.

And so they waited. Eventually, Teto came running past. Len listened with bated breath as her footsteps faded down the hall. Then, when he could no longer hear them, he laughed as loudly as couldn't be heard outside the cranny.

"We got her."

Rin reflected his grin at a fraction of the luminance. "I'm not playing, though."

"Aw, but I thought you were! After all we've been through…"

"I-I dunno," she said uncomfortably. "I don't want to tire myself out between classes."

"I— that's fair, I guess, but come on, Rin, it's really fun! You're missing out."

She just hummed in reply.

Len frowned and said quietly, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

She didn't take any convincing before. Was there a subtle change in the way he approached her that'd made the difference?

"Would you mind moving?" Her voice was so close.

"Oh, sorry." He slid out of the space so Rin could get out. Then he slipped back in.

Rin eyed him questioningly.

"I'm gonna hide here until someone finds me. So don't let anyone know about this space, okay? Our secret." And he winked.

That used to piss her off.

But just now, the narrowing of her eyes wasn't the same. She was put off, yes, but more puzzled and curious than anything. She held her left arm in her right hand as if pulling herself away from him, furthering from him without moving her feet. Len looked at her sadly, wanting to tell her, 'There are no puzzles here, Rin. Don't you see?'

But she left without another word.

Len rested his head against the wall and let out a sigh. Now that he was alone, he realized the cranny really wasn't all that small after all.

* * *

—chapter 2—

if she's small to him, to her he's larger than life.

.

つづく

* * *

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES**

* * *

hoo boy, thanks for reading! I'm super behind on my schoolwork again, but this is more important to me :)

I've been having doubts about this story lately, but hopefully it'll get better ;u; I went back and tweaked the first two chapters- nothing too big though!

I've noticed, this Rin and Len really are similar to SWB Rin and Len! They're different in their own ways, too, though, and I hope they'll become more fully realized in later chapters! I-I have hopes for you, my children... don't fail me...

in this chapter, I wanted to emphasize the growing distance between them.

the whole guitar scene was inspired by this len/kanon duet of Close to You by hyurno. /watch?v=E13ZaEF_1bg And Kimi no Shiranai Monogatari is magic in sound waves. there's something mystical and tender about it I just can't explain. _deneb, altair, and vega._ also, kaito as a dinosaur fanatic is number one headcanon.

I'd like to thank everyone who's reviewed so far! special thanks to an anon called lalala: I really appreciate hearing your thoughts, and also thank you for your encouragement about school ;n; I've been doing better!

hello, you there, yes you: please review as well! I don't bite ; u ;

also damn you ffnet and your character limit on chapter titles :(


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